Best jokes from around the world?

from the cnn website, these have been been voted the best jokes from different countries, tell me what you think.


A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.





The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"





The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"





The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."





Top joke in the United States


A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.





His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."





The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."





Top joke in Canada


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius.





The Russians used a pencil.





Top joke in Australia


This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"





The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight ..."





Top joke in Belgium


Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires.





Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.





Top joke in Germany


A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.





This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.





The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

Best jokes from around the world?
the first ne was really funny fanx alot u med my day i was feelin low untill i heard tht lol__xx__
Reply:those are the funnyest jokes i have ever heard
Reply:these are really funny since they have to be clean, but I've heard better dirty ones. It's probably just my sense of humor.
Reply:Very funny, made me giggle about the monkey...
Reply:too long
Reply:Hilarious!!!!!! I loved the NASA one! Is that really true?
Reply:from the cnn website, these have been been voted the best jokes from different countries, tell me what you think.


A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.





The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"





The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"





The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."








This one is my favourite!
Reply:there funny but i heard better..
Reply:love em
Reply:I was walking through my local grave yard last night, when I suddenly heard a noise, it was only two queer ghosts putting the willies up each other.
Reply:Best joke from Turkey:





A Muslim man was arrested for eating during the day during Ramadan. When in jail he looked out and saw a man eating a shish kabab. "How can you eat during Ramadan and not be arrested?"


"I'm a Christian, that doesn't apply to me, " said the man.


The jailed Muslim replied, "You should thank Allah every day that you are not a member of the true faith."
Reply:They're all funny and best of all manage not to offensive :-)
Reply:THEY ARE AWSOME!!!! do you have anymore jokes like that??
Reply:1st one was best
Reply:They're all very funny
Reply:love 'em

Beauty Home