You Can't Fix Stupid Contest Maybe?

Eighth Place


In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18 inch wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.





Seventh Place


A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.





Sixth Place


Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was ponounced dead at a hospital.





Fifth Place


Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA , as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth


(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.





Fourth Place


Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver


loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.





Third Place (My personal favorite!)


The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington , DC, appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:


1. His target was H%26amp;J Leather %26amp; Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns.


2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.


3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.


4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.





The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.





Second Place


Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.





Runner-Up


TACOMA , WA: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.





And The Winner


Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and


more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged up pachyderm finally let it fly, and burried the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "Sh-t happens."

You Can't Fix Stupid Contest Maybe?
numbers, 1 %26amp; 3 are hilarious.
Reply:averagely good.
Reply:it was ok but to long
Reply:enjoyed it !
Reply:I think you are a big stuppid ........Who is the person have time to read this much
Reply:Death is NOT funny!!!
Reply:Yeah that was pretty funny. I couldnt help but notice the people in the stories all happened to be men. Hmm... Are you trying to say something here?
Reply:Thanks enjoyed it 10/10/lmao have a star for the effort
Reply:Whatever happened to Common Sense, Gut Feeling, Natural Instinct................ some of these just blew my mind! LOL.
Reply:Thanx for the info.
Reply:too long
Reply:I THINK THIS COMES UNDER" NATURAL SELECTION"
Reply:Oh.....





:o)
Reply:imagine that..damn....
Reply:can you break this into like segments next time? its really long! ~
Reply:*giggle* xoxoxo
Reply:It was fun to read about other peoples stupidity.


Good Laughs!!!!
Reply:AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..........That was THE BEST joke I've heard in a looong time!!! Lol.....I can barely type cuz I'm laughing so hard!!!! I loved the one about the robber, the zookeeper and the guy who won a bet by shooting himself in the mouth!!! Lol.....idiots!!!


Here's a star!! Thanks for making my day!