Contest for the most stupid and the vote are in?

Subject: Contest for Most Stupid


Eighth Place


In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in


two feet of water after squeezing head first through


an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.








Seventh Place


A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally


zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot


high cliff on his daily run while talking on his cell


phone.





Sixth Place


In Buxton, NC a man died on a beach when an


8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as


he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,


dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and


had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom


Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him


beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the


outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to


claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,VA ,


but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using


heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about


200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a


hospital.





Fifth Place


Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA , as


he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle


shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the


long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep


his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as


he hit the floor.





Fourth Place


Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville,


Del,as he won a bet with friends who said he would


not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his


mouth and pull the trigger.


[As Ron White often says: "You can't fix stupid."


These people prove it is a terminal condition. As


always, competition this year has


been keen.]





Third Place


The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree


in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first


(and last), due to his lack of a previous record of


violence, and his terminally stupid choices:


1. His target was H%26amp;J Leather %26amp; Firearms: a gun shop


specializing in handguns.


2. The shop was full of customers - firearms


customers.


3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a


marked police patrol car parked at the front door.


4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter,


having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer,


the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a


few wild shots from a target pistol.


The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the


police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a


50 cal. DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers


who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew


and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene


by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47


expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent


autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics


identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one


else was hurt in the exchange of fire.





HONORABLE MENTION:


Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover


Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured,


when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car.


While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the


dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see


what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the


window was closed.





RUNNER UP:


TACOMA, WA: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with


several friends when one of them said they knew a


person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows


Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew


more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the


walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the


midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had


brought a bungee rope.


Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and


pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near


by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's


leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall


lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his


foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his


fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two


nearby fishermen.


"All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was


watching out for me on that night. There's just no


other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never


located.





AND THE WINNER...


Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt


(Paderborn,Germany) fed his constipated elephant


Stefan 22 doses


of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,


figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm


finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under


200 pounds of poop!


Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was


attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil


enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The


sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation


knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck


his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant


continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said


flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.


With no one there to help him, he lay under all that


dung for at least an hour before a watchman came


along, and during that time he suffocated.


It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that


proves..."**** (eventually) happens."

Contest for the most stupid and the vote are in?
As sad and funny as this all is, I am pretty sure that I have at least 4 family members of mine who I could see doing these same things. My husband would dig an 8 foot hole at the beach and sit in it. And I can see the winner in my sister, but only a horse not an elephant. I know, an sometimes hope, that my little sister would run off a cliff. My brother in law would jump off a bridge. So thanks, very funny. I hope that your family is a little more same than mine.
Reply:omg that is so funny no matter how many times you hear it
Reply:jeezes there are so many stupid people out there, very funny thx
Reply:You should work for the Darwin Awards. Great stories! At least now we can learn from their mistakes! My personal favorite is the one who ran of a cliff.
Reply:Ouch.
Reply:I love the first place one, but I still think the one in Seventh place is better than the one in Honorable Mention.


XD
Reply:Wow.


None of these exactly fit what I would like to see on my tomb stone someday.
Reply:you know it is rather funny but also pretty sad... you kno ppl dying... but the circumstances did add a bit of humor...